The "R" word

I've been wondering how people who are directly impacted by the use of this term, because of the fact that they either have a developmental disability themselves, or because they love someone who does, feel about this movie that we keep hearing about on the news, the one where the main character uses the "R" word, retarded... I found a blog where a mom of a child who's been diagnosed with Down Syndrome shares what she thinks and feels in a very eloquent way. I share with her permission....

I know you’ve all probably heard about the controversy with the Tropic Thunder movie and the word “retard”, so I won’t bore you with the details. I’m sure you all can guess how I feel about it all. Once again, people try to pass off the use of this derogatory word in a way that makes it “okay” - by saying that they’re making fun of something else with it - not actual developmentally delayed people. I don’t get it. How does that logic fly? You are reaching out for laughs by using a word that brings to mind people like my son. Not in a positive way, but because our society views these people as something funny to point & laugh at. I mean, seriously. When does anybody pull out that word when they’re not trying to elicit a laugh from people? My son is not a punch line. His abilites or disabilities are not there for you to use as a reference point for your joke. To continue to use the excuse that “I was referring to myself; I was making fun of myself!!” when they’ve thrown about the word to show how STUPID they were. Come ON, people. You’re not fooling anyone. When you hear that word, what comes to mind? A person with Down Syndrome, maybe a person who has autism or is mentally disabled, right? How is comparing yourself to someone like that FUNNY?

I’ve discussed this topic a number of times before and my stance hasn’t changed. The word no longer has any place in our society. It’s only used as an epithet or an insult referring to a certain segment of our society, which is as unacceptable as using the “n” word or any other word like that. Back in October I wrote this about it:

…October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Unless you live in a cave somewhere up in Nunavet, you know this. Because, every October, absolutely everything is pink. Pink housewares, pink storage bins, pink socks, pink underpants, pink windshield wipers, pink garbage cans - all giving a portion of their proceeds to various breast cancer groups. Which is cool. I’m all for eliminating breast cancer. My mother-in-law had it & beat it.

What you might not know is that October is another awareness month that doesn’t get a whole lot of press. But it’s one that’s near & dear to my heart. It’s Down Syndrome Awareness month. It’s a month devoted to promoting awareness about what Down Syndrome REALLY is. About how amazing people with that little extra chromosome are. About how we’ve spent centuries treating them as if they can’t do anything simply because they do it more slowly & deliberately. Because they look different than neurotypical people. But that they’re showing us “normal” people every day that they can do far, far more than we’ve given them credit for.

It’s difficult, as the mother of a child with DS, to not get frustrated with the way the world views these people. To constantly hear jokes with Down Syndrome as the butt. To hear the word “retard” bandied about as we insult ourselves & one another. I cannot imagine what it must be like to live in this world as a person with DS. Because they aren’t deaf. Or brain dead. Or blind. They know that people stare at them. They hear the jokes. They get hit between the eyes with the insults. They hear the whispering. It must totally hurt. But, in spite of it all, most of the people with DS I know don’t hold hatred or bitterness in their hearts about it. I admire that. Because I? HATE IT.

Let’s educate ourselves about Down Syndrome & what it REALLY means, okay? It doesn’t mean institutionalizing people. It doesn’t mean they’re “retards”. It doesn’t mean they can’t learn or love or do much of what we all do every day. They go to work. They go to school. They play sports. They love music. They have friends. They go on dates. They’re even going to college & getting married. They are JUST LIKE YOU & ME. From what I can see - here’s the only difference. They do what we do - just a little more slowly & deliberately. It’s not that they CAN’T do something - it’s just that it takes them a little longer to learn how to do it. Having seen the strides we’ve taken in just the past couple of decades, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a future when people with DS regularly drive, live on their own, and do a lot more. Of course, I’m speaking in generalizations, but I see it. I believe it.

Don’t be fearful of him or other people with DS. They’re people. They like to be treated like it. Talk to them. If you see someone with DS working at your store - say “hi”. Ask how they are. Don’t stare. Don’t whisper. If someone tells you a joke who’s punchline is something about DS, tell that person “that’s not funny”. Seriously. If I never hear another joke about Down Syndrome or “retards”, it’ll be a glorious world...

Do we not REALIZE these things?? These people are PEOPLE and yet we treat them as if they’re not there, shouldn’t be there, their very EXISTENCE offends us. Could you imagine going through life, hearing people whisper (or even talk loudly, assuming you’re too stupid to understand) about you, talk across you, ignore you, refuse to look at you or stare incessantly? She’s right. By too many of us, they’re all viewed as “unpeople” and their treatment by society shouldn’t matter. The fact that people cannot realize the detrimental effect of hearing that word tossed around proves it to me.

Anyway. I also ran across this site that the Special Olympics has put up. It’s a site to sign a pledge that you’ll cease & desist using the “r” word. As they say, “The r-word is hate speech that perpetuates the negative stereotypes that face people with intellectual disabilities every day. Yet, its use continues to gain in popularity.” Click on the “Learn More” there to really understand how this little word demeans, hurts and belittles. Then, sign the pledge. Try to make an effort to eliminate that word from your vocabulary. View it like you view the “n” word or any other word that offends you or makes you cringe. Do it for Henry. Or Caroline. For Jenni. For Rhett. For Delphine. For Will. For Gigi. For Steven. For countless HUMAN BEINGS who live like us, love like us and deserve respect & dignity just like us. Thank you.

From www.motherhood-unscripted.com