Trichotillomania

I was a psychology major in college, and yet never had heard of trichotillomania. The other day I came across a website where the author shares her story of her struggles with trichotillomania. This post was just so compelling that I wanted to share it with you.

My Trich Story

When I was about 9 I got a hair braid in my hair on holiday, and I always used to fiddle with it. When I finally undid it I continued the fiddling, which turned to pulling out the hair and it went from there (I was, in fact, quite prone to ‘habits’ such as this, for example picking out the fluff in my teddies, or my blankets, but had never yet used my own body for the purpose). In my last year of primary school my parting had grown from a thin line to over an inch wide (bald), and I also pulled out one of my eyebrows pretty much completely.

When it was at it worst age 10/11, I didn’t really know what was going on but, weirdly, I also didn’t really feel bad about it. My mum used to try and stop me pulling, and my friends mentioned how big my parting was, but I didn’t really think much of it, and I’m not sure why, but I appreciate the pain I was saved. When I started secondary school I was pulling a lot less (again I don’t know why) and had a large, very short patch of hair growing back which was very obvious. I remember getting comments about this, and one of my old friends from primary school actually started spreading things about me, telling everyone that I used to have a bald patch. This bothered me, but again I never felt too bad about the pulling.

I can’t remember when I found out what it was, but I remember reading that it was as common as biting your nails and my immediate reaction was anger. What’s so bad, then, and why do people think it’s so weird if it really is the same as biting nails?!

Since my late primary school/early secondary school years I never pulled my eyebrows again after the hair had grown back, and also eventually got to the stage where I was able to wear my hair down and feel proud of it. I remember the first time someone said I had nice hair and how happy it made me. I suppose it was at about age 16 that I would start to wear it down, and before that I used to keep it tied back every day. I think it helps that my hair is very thick, and it is long, and areas do not notice as much. I also know that I don’t pull the large amounts that I used to, but this was not a conscious effort. I started pulling my pubic hair as well, though keeping it short has pretty much prevented this as I do not use tweezers to get at the short hairs like many people do.

Facing Trich

It is only recently that I have consciously decided that I am not going to let this be a problem anymore. I have been in a relationship for over a year now, and, unlike my last relationship, I have been able to tell my boyfriend everything. He wasn’t shocked, or even too confused as to why I do it, which is of course a great help. Sometimes I do feel that he can never help in as much as he will never understand, but I know that he loves me and accepts everything about me which is amazing. Apart from him I have never really told anyone else, except my mum that it was as common as biting nails when I was a bit younger. However, I do worry that it shows, as recently with the workload of university I feel I have been pulling more, mainly from around my parting and there are a lot of short hairs that are visible, even though there are no bald patches.

One day I was working on an essay with some papers on the floor beside me. I was subconsciously pulling the whole time and when I went to pick up the paper the hairs showed up against it and I really was horrified by how much there was. It also made hoovering my room a nightmare when our hoover is not very powerful at all! Things like this may seem small, but are significant in people’s lives, no matter how much you pull.

My blog posts are anonymous, and this is, in part, due to the fact that I am not open about my trich to the majority of people who know me. Of course this is something that bothers me, but in writing I hope to come to terms with such issues.

Blogging and forums have been the greatest help for me coming to terms with the fact that trich is part of me, which is why I also decided to start this blog. If you want to write something, help yourself and others, then you can do it here. Just get in contact!

Her website is http://trichblog.wordpress.com/.